Saudade

I think the most beautiful words are those with no equivalent.

I never truly understood meaning of the word until I met him. I never truly understood feelings that one word could grasp.

Saudade is a Portuguese expression that is almost untranslatable. The best way to describe it is: the presence of absence. It is a longing for someone or something. It is an awareness of the absence of a person, thing or place. You are among thousands of people but none is the one you want to be by your side. Saudade is the moment you realize how important people are in your life and the moments you have taken for granted.

Saudade brings sad and happy feelings all at once; sadness from missing something loved and happiness for having experienced the love.

»The love that remains.«

And he described it better than I ever could…
The definiton of that word and the plain order of words and meanings are so apart from the feeling.

Can he feel me missing him? Can he feel the presence of absence?

Saudade for me is longing for him…how soft word for such a ravenous feeling, feeling of how we hunger in silence.
Saudade for me is missing…missing him in every breathe I take, in every step I make.
Feeling that my soul is swimming and swimming and eventually I am nothing more than a drop in the ocean. And I realize that you don’t need water to drown.

Saudade for me is absence of waking up and turning over to see his chest rise and fall and pulling myself closer.
Saudade for me is closing my eyes hard and speaking to him in thousand silent ways.

Saudade for me is the absence of person, someone somewhere, that I want to talk to after each exhausting day, the one I complain to and share jokes with even though we are both too tired to laugh.

Saudade is absence of him who listens as I go on and on how life is treating me, is absence of him who makes me smile and cheer me up when I’m feeling low.

Saudade for me is absence of him, that someone somewhere who wishes me good morning, absence of person who calls me in the evening just to check if I’m ok…is the absence of first person I want to tell everything to.

Saudade for me is absence of him who knows that I’m not perfect but loves me anyway. Him with who I share my fears to and the one who stands by me as I walk toward my dreams.

Saudade for me is absence of someone somewhere who respects me for who I am.

Saudade for me is every second with absence of him…someone somewhere…the one who my heart belongs to.

And still… The definiton of that word and the plain order of words and meanings are so apart from the feeling.

…Sempre tua.

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